it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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