I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I need a beard to bite.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
