I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
