He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
