I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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