That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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