i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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