God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize