Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
