I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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