I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
