My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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