Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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