But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize