Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
