Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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