Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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