dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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