I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
