So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do vagina's smell?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
