I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
