Acid is not a monday night drug
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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