this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
