Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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