that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
