You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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