Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
