So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I want to make a zoo with you.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
