I got chris browned last night
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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