the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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