sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
