I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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