# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
