Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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