Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
