Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
