Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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