He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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