he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
