So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i think my cat just said my name.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dick very happy bro
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
