I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
