ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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