god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
send nudes
from the living room?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
