this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
