I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
