he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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