Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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