Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
