They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
