you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
