I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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