im six kinds of drunk right now
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
NoShamevember. You game?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
