i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
