I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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