It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
