Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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