Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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