Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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