Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
