those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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