We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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