You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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