I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
