idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
