it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
