his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
