Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize